I love the book of Proverbs. Mostly written by King Solomon, the wisest man that has ever lived (1 Kings 3:12), it is full of practical wisdom rooted in the fear of the Lord. And the fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom. The book emphasizes on the value of discipline and hard work, dangers of being lazy, foolish, prideful, and dishonest, and the importance of integrity, wise speech, and self-control. I could use a dose of it many times during the day every single day.

Embracing Proverbs: The Wisdom & The Challenges

However, if I am being honest, there are a lot of verses in this book that are hard-to-hear, hard-to-accept, and hard-to-digest. As a woman, when I read the famous Proverbs 31 – Woman of God chapter for the first time after turning back to the Lord in my early 20s, it left me feeling so inadequate and wondering if I could ever be or become that woman. It put a lot of pressure on me because I didn’t know (and feared) if a godly man would ever want me when he realizes that I was not quite the Proverbs 31 woman he probably wanted or prayed for. When I read the verse, “She can laugh at the days to come”, I didn’t understand how that could be possible or if King Lemuel was speaking of something that could actually happen on this earth. It just felt so impossible to me at the time.

It took some time, actually a long time, but praise God for His grace and patience with me. I am growing and I don’t look at the Proverbs 31 Chapter as something impossible anymore. I am grateful for the healing work that Holy Spirit has done in my heart over the years and how the fruits of the Holy Spirit abound in my life. Still very imperfect but a lot further along the journey. Personally, I think it takes more than a lifetime, depending on our level of surrender and walk with the Spirit, for each of the verses in the Word of God to deeply do the work in our hearts because God’s Word never returns void and it is sharper than any double-edged sword… it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit… it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart. And if it ain’t good, God isn’t done!

Deferred Hope and Deep Disappointment

I read this verse many times before but it didn’t truly hit me until recently, when I found myself facing deep disappointment over and over again in one specific area of my life. At this point, I’ve lost count of how many times my hope has been deferred. But it doesn’t really get easier with time sometimes. I think most of us are familiar with this kind of disappointment. By disappointment in this context, I mean the gap between our expectation and our reality. Unmet desires and longings is something that each and everyone of us experience and wrestle with everyday of our lives. For many, the weight of waiting and the despair that comes from this disappointment has gone so deep that hoping again in the Lord is excruciatingly painful.

I know it’s the most cliche thing to say but if any of the above sentences resonate with you, you are not alone. And praise God we are not alone in this. I honestly wonder if there is anyone on this planet that does not relate to feeling this way. If not in their present, at least at some point in their past or maybe at some point in the future. Many of us live in that ‘in between’—the gap between our prayers, hopes, and promises and our reality. Personally, I don’t know a time in life where I have not not longed for some desire to be fulfilled. If you are anything close to normal, we don’t like being in this space.

God’s Purpose for Deferred Hope: Refinement Over Fulfillment

But I wonder sometimes why do all of us, without any exceptions, have to go through this process. After all, even if we trust in the Lord with all our heart and not lean on our own understanding, being in the in-between is hard. When you don’t understand what to do with the uncertainty and how to process the pain that comes from the disappointment. And if you are particularly waiting on the Lord to fulfill a promise you are certain you heard from Him (like Abraham and Sarah did!), it gets worse every time it feels like the Lord is holding back that promise. You wonder if you are ever going to be ready for that promise although life feels like a constant character refinement from the Lord. And the condemnation you hear in your head – “what if my past sins are causing the Lord to hold back that promise?” That’s a hard one to wrestle with, at least for me!

I think one of the main reasons why God allows our hope to be deferred is – exactly as the verse says, to get our hearts to the point of becoming sick. Yes, that’s right. After having gone through various cycles of hope deferred in various aspects of life, I have to come see that deferred hope is the very ingredient that is essential to finding and placing our hope in the Lord and Him alone. Nothing less! Not in people, not in a thing, not when a certain thing happens. Because “deferred hope” is the kind of poison in our hearts that can be touched and healed by the hope that is found only in Him. In that kind of desperation, when we turn our eyes to God, the way our hearts discover the hope found only in Him is not something that happens during our mundane, everyday life.

All the Bible heroes – including Abraham, Joseph, and David, no less – had to go through the character refinement needed to receive their promises and in order to not crumble underneath the weight of those good promises and great callings on their lives. A good thing at the wrong time will turn out to be a bad thing eventually because we will not have the character or the strength to bear the weight of the promise or to steward it well.

I think this is similar to promoting someone inexperienced or fresh out of high school to the position of the CEO of a company. They would be crushed under the weight of that responsibility and would bring ruin not just to their career but everyone working for the company and many others whose lives and stability depend on that company. Ultimately, a good promise fulfilled at the wrong time could cause much devastation to us and those around us. And our God is a good Father to not allow that to happen to us.

Although I understand all of this, when I am in the thick of a deep disappointment, I still struggle with processing and dealing with it and understanding what could possibly help me hope again – When everything feels dead in the natural and my promise seems to either be something I made up manipulatively in my head or something I ruined because of my disobedience and sin. And when my hopes and dreams seem buried in a graveyard in the natural.

Key to Renewed Hope and Strength 

Then, like His Word says, I cast my cares and burdens up on Him (1 Peter 5:7). I needed the weariness to be lifted off my shoulders and my yoke to be made light. I gave it all to the Lord. Then, I needed His peace that transcends all understanding to take the place of my pain and anxieties (Philippians 4:7). So, I asked the Holy Spirit for it. I asked for His wisdom and counsel to understand what the correct thought process and attitude according to His Word would be. Then I reminded myself of God’s great plans for my life and how much He loves me (Jeremiah 29:11). And I reminded myself that hoping in the Lord does not put me to shame (Romans 5:5) because God’s love is evident in my life as the Holy Spirit dwells in me due to His mighty love for me. I can wait patiently if I hope for what I do not have (Romans 8:25).

I also asked the Lord to not to hope for what I want but what He desires for me. I know it is easy for the promise become a greater desire than the Lord in my heart so, I had to guard my heart against it. I have been there before. When anything or anyone takes the place of the Lord in our hearts, it leads to idolatry. But Jesus is better than the promise or whatever that promise offers. The fulfillment of the promise is a by-product of wanting Jesus, desiring to be more like Him, and walking in step with the Holy Spirit. Jesus is the goal. Not the desire or the promise or even the calling. I want to see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living (Psalms 27:13) and that means I may never see that promise fulfilled on this side of eternity and that is A-okay! When we have Jesus, we have everything we need! And because of this heart posture, my hope is found again in the Lord and my strength is renewed (Isaiah 40:31). Renewed strength is a result and honestly, a promise from the Lord for when we place our hope in Him. And this strength is better than the strength I would have had if my hope was never deferred. Deferred hope is the key to placing our real hope in the Lord and renewing our strength.

No matter the hopelessness and the depth of disappointment you are facing currently, I am praying that you can fix your gaze upon Jesus, more than the promise. And that your deferred hope helps renew your strength more than ever as you ultimately get to a point where your true hope is in the Lord. Sit in His presence. Tell Him everything. Receive His peace. Hope in the Lord. Renew your strength. Fix your eyes on Jesus and not the promise, because Jesus is better than life.