Part 1: The Unexpected Beginning

It was during my early stages of coming back to the Lord after the break up with my college boyfriend. It was a time when the Lord was helping me unlearn the worldly ways of things and learn His ways. Marriage was one area of life where I truly needed to unlearn many concepts and ideas that the world taught me to be the norm.

Up until that point, if I remember correctly, all the knowledge I had about marriage came from the world even though I grew up as a Christian. I don’t recall any sermons about godly marriage. I don’t remember any conversations about God’s design for marriage. I don’t remember anyone explaining what to look for in a spouse other than the basic worldly practical requirements. Or just anything about marriage.

In that perfect order. No twists or turns. Just follow the plan. It’s the classic Indian formula. Don’t laugh, you know it’s true! 😀

Today, after living in the United States for over ten years, being a part of the American church this entire time, listening to several sermons and reading books about biblical marriage, it is challenging – especially for me – to grasp my own lack of knowledge and wisdom back at the time.

But it was that very lack that created a deep thirst in me to learn God’s way of marriage. Because it was quite the shock as I began to grasp how different what I “knew” was from what the Word of God says about marriage.

Having said all that, this blog isn’t about marriage 😀

Believe it or not, it is actually about the title topic, God-Given Purpose. I promise 😀

During that time of unlearning and learning, in one sermon, I heard the pastor make a remark.

He said something like,

“Do not marry someone that doesn’t know their God-given purpose.”

He also said “If your purposes do not align, do not marry.”

That statement took me by surprise.

It wasn’t what I was hoping he’d say.

To be honest, I don’t know what I actually hoped he would say.

I guess I wanted him to just say something that agreed with what I already knew. Or perhaps, something easy to figure out this whole godly marriage thing that I was just venturing into after the massive heartbreak I just had!

But instead, I walked away with one more standard added to the list.

Purpose.

If I had never heard that sermon, I could have played dumb before the Almighty God of the universe. If I met a cute, God-fearing guy who didn’t know his purpose,

I could have shrugged and said, “I did not know that was a thing, God!”.

But gosh, not anymore!

I guess I will just have to say no to a god fearing cute guy that I might potentially have a connection with, IF he did not know his God-given purpose!

And I was a little but quietly disappointed that I ever came across that sermon.

Truth be told, I did not know what the pastor meant by purpose or what to make of it. What does that mean? A career? A calling? A ministry? A personality type?

In the moment, the fear of having a further reduced pool of men to choose from took over. Instead of further exploring what the pastor said, in my flesh, I chose to ignore it. I say in my flesh because in my desperate desire to be married at the time, I knew how hard it already felt to find a man who genuinely loved the Lord. Let alone one who both loved the Lord and knew his God-given purpose and operated in it.

That felt nearly impossible.

Besides, I knew God would miraculously bring a man into my life in His perfect time! Just as He blessed me with many good and perfect things that I did not ask for or deserve. I just thought God would continue to work things out and will never stop working even if I ignored what the pastor said about marriage and purpose. Surely His sovereignty would override my ignorance! I believed that God was too powerful and wonderful to let me ruin His amazing plans for me.

And He is.

But He is also too loving to leave me there. He is too kind for that.

I think 3-4 years after I heard that sermon, and years of being, as I like to say, single as a pringle (with interest from men, yes, but none who loved the Lord), suddenly but also gradually, the Holy Spirit began tugging my heart.

Not about my husband. To discover my God-given purpose!

By the end of 2022, I was no longer asking, “Where is he?”

I was asking, “Why am I here?”

I began seeking resources, sermons, and guidance to discover my purpose. I set up appointments with my pastor at the time to understand how to discover my purpose or what my purpose was. I asked all the godly people I knew in my life what their purpose was. I prayed. I wrestled.

And slowly, I realized something humbling:

I was so concerned about marrying a man who knew his purpose…
while I had never truly pursued my own.

However, at the same time, in my pursuit of discovering my purpose, I was both disappointed and sad about how little I could find about purpose. Both online and during in person interactions.

Maybe that’s why I had never really thought about my own purpose before!

There were plenty of sermons about purpose but none that truly gave practical ways to discover and hone in on your purpose and calling. Similarly, when I asked the believers, with the exception of maybe two people, most, including those with decades of ministry said something like:

“My purpose is to worship the Lord with my life.”
“My purpose is to have a relationship with God.”

True statements. Absolutely! Yet, nothing specific.

When I heard that, I began to question “why would God give the same purpose for everyone?”

If that were the case, why would Paul call us the body of Christ, each with their own “function” that is unique but would come together harmoniously for the kingdom of God? If every part did the same thing, the body wouldn’t function at all.

It didn’t make sense that was it. So, the questions lingered.

Why am I here?
Why now?
Why was I born into this family?
Why do I have this career?
Why these friendships?

What am I meant to do on this earth that is uniquely mine?
How do I serve in the body of Christ distinctly, yet in harmony?

Does what I do matter?
Do I matter?

Thus, began the most exciting yet excruciatingly painful refining journey of my life. Discovering and walking in my God-given purpose!

Part 2 to follow!