Part 2: The Messy Journey of Discovery

In the previous post, I talked about how God faithfully shifted my attention from marriage to seeking my own God-given purpose. As a quick recap, it goes like this –

• I was trying to learn about God’s design for marriage after my huge breakup.
• I come across a sermon that basically said “do not marry someone that doesn’t know their God-given purpose or if your purposes do not align”.
• I kind of ignore that sound advice because I was scared that I may not be able to find a man that loves the Lord, has a relationship with Him, and knows his God-given purpose and is actually walking in it.
• Then, after a couple of years of being single as a pringle, the Holy Spirit began tugging at my heart – not about marriage or a husband – but my God-given purpose.
• I did not mention this in my previous post but the moment I began that journey, I also began rolling through heightened spiritual warfare, unusual busyness of life, distractions disguised as the most relevant things in life, and so on. The resistance definitely amped up.
• To add to this, during my research, I could not find enough or relevant resources that defined purpose in a way that spoke to me or provided practical steps to discover your purpose.
• So, I decided to do my own survey with my Christian friends. Even believers with years of walk with the Lord gave me less defined and more generalized responses such as:
  • “To worship God.”
  • “To glorify Him.”
  • “To have a relationship with Him.”

All of those answers were true. But they weren’t specific. Enough.

And I remember thinking:

Isn’t that the foundational call of every believer?

Aren’t all Christians called to live that way? Regardless of who they are, where they live, or what they do?

Besides, why would God give the same purpose for everyone? And if every part did the same thing, how would the body of Christ function well?

I mean, there must be a specific reason why I was born into the family I was born into, at a time such as this, with the particular spheres of influence entrusted to me! So is everyone else in God’s great creation! What could that be? How would I figure that out?

And this is where we resume in this blog!

As I kept pressing into the process, I realized I wasn’t fully understanding what many pastors meant when they talked about purpose or how they expected someone to actually discover it.

I guess I was just hoping for a step-by-step guide.

Something structured.
Something measurable.
Something I could implement and check off.

And by the end of that process, I would find my purpose. Right?

Which was NOT what I was finding…

Maybe it was the newness of the idea for me. Or maybe it was that while the words “purpose” and “calling” are frequently used in church circles, the journey toward discovering them isn’t often unpacked in detail. I rarely heard someone explain their personal discovery process or what intentional steps they were taking to fulfill that purpose. So much confusion.

And then there was the guilt.

The quiet, nagging guilt that maybe I wasn’t being obedient enough.
Not focused enough.
Not discerning enough.
Not spiritual enough.

Maybe if I prayed more.
If I was more disciplined.
Read one more book.
Listened to one more sermon.

I mean, why did I not figure it out yet? Why did the Holy Spirit not reveal it to me yet? I am asking, but I know not as frequently as I ought to…

Which led to another interesting thought:

Maybe I just got myself into this rabbit hole because of my desire to be married… After all, this whole journey started because of a sermon about choosing a husband wisely.

Maybe that’s why what that pastor said became so much more than what this whole purpose thing actually is?

Maybe, there is not much to it if so many at church are not talking about it? So much doubt about what I discerned.

Then, there were many questions.

What is purpose, really?
Does it remain the same for my entire life?
What about the purpose that everyone was talking about that seemed too general?
Why do I even have a purpose?

Didn’t Jesus already do everything that was ever needed to be done for His children on the cross? Wasn’t that not enough?

And if I did somehow discover and walk in my purpose, would it actually make a difference in this world?

I think this went on for a few months.

To be honest, although it was a bit frustrating at times, the pain and the struggle were good. Refining too.

It is God’s nature to not give us or show us everything we are asking for in one go. And that is His kindness.

He gives just what we need to continue drawing us deeper into a relationship with Him while also increasing our dependence on Him.

Let’s be real, we all know how awful life can get when we think or act as if we got it… We desperately need God every moment of our lives and He uses journeys like this to help us get out of our own way.

And sometimes He allows us to wrestle with unanswered questions because the wrestling itself uproots pride, self-reliance, and hidden idols. To live a fruitful, authoritative, and victorious life. And that’s exactly what He did with me on this journey too.

Instead of handing me a fully formed definition of purpose, He began giving me fragments.

Crumbs.

Not the whole picture but enough to keep me going.

Just around that time, I happened to (I will share the story in another post) listen to a podcast episode by Jerry Flowers that deeply impacted me. I listened to it so intently and multiple times for that matter, because for the first time I felt like I was getting somewhere with this whole purpose thing.

I think for the first time, I tangibly understood what purpose was. He defined it in a way that made me understand. Or the Holy Spirit did! 😀

Back to Jerry’s podcast… He did not provide a step-by-step guide or guarantee that by the end of the podcast, I will know my purpose. But what he did provide was a spiritual map to discover your God-given purpose.

It wasn’t that everything suddenly became crystal clear.

But something clicked. More than clicked.

As I type this blog, I don’t remember every single thing he said but a thing or two (or at least a summary of it) stuck with me all these years:

As Christine Caine (who I learnt later is also passionate about purpose!) puts in her book “Permission to Dream”, paraphrased,

How beautiful! ❤

Honestly y’all, I just had to go back and listen to it again. It’s so good that I had to end up summarizing some of the nuggets from that podcast!(sometimes, I may have added my thoughts, sorry not sorry :P)

1. Purpose is the Target

And if we don’t know it, we live life aimlessly, which leads to loneliness, depression, and lifelessness in our lives that is meant to be vibrant!

When we don’t know the purpose of something, we misuse it, and the same is true for us.

Purpose brings direction. Purpose brings alignment. Purpose brings fulfillment. I can say this from experience. I feel most alive when I am engaged in my God-given purpose!

2. Purpose Solves Problems

Maybe this is why our world is filled with so many problems because there are so many people that are not engaged with their purpose. Each of us was created to address something specific, maybe to break generational curses or to bring light, healing, leadership, restoration, or truth somewhere.

When we walk in our purpose, we carry God-given authority! You can see it and if not you, everyone else around you can see it!

3. Purpose Threatens the Enemy

Hell gets nervous when we walk in our purpose.

That is why the devil goes to extreme lengths to keep us distracted and fixated on other problems because he doesn’t ever want us to reach maturity.

Especially enough maturity and character to discover and walk in our God-given purpose to solve the problems God created us to solve!

4. Purpose Brings Discernment

Purpose helps us to decipher and discern when we are at crossroads.

When we know the direction we need to go, we quickly know which direction to take and which paths to avoid!

We live with little or no confusion! How wonderful is that!

5. Purpose is Connected to Passion and Provision

Passion fuels purpose.

What deeply moves you often points toward what you’re called to build or solve. And while purpose isn’t only about income, engaging it often opens doors of provision.

This is why passion is frequently attacked: it carries prophetic clues.

6. Purpose is Refined Through Process

Discovering purpose requires an understanding (probably deep understanding) of your passions.

Mistakes, trauma, bad choices, all of the pain, and setbacks are a part of discovering our purpose.

God wastes nothing!

7. Purpose is Tied to Our Gifts

Our gifts and strengths are tied to our purpose!

Why doesn’t it feel obvious though? I mean, why does God create us to do something and won’t give us the gifts and strengths needs to fulfill them?

We need to work hard to master these natural gifts!

8. Purpose is Strengthened in Community

God hones in on our purpose when we surround ourselves with people that are walking in step with their God-given purpose!

Alignment is contagious!

9. The Foundation of it ALL!

Knowing and having relationship with God is the ultimate bottomline to discovering our purpose.

Purpose begins with intimacy with God.

Not striving.
Not performance.
Not pressure.

Relationship.

Purpose flows from knowing Him.

I think those are the key points. At least the ones that resonated the most with me!

By end of that podcast, I knew things were starting to connect in my head. Looking back at some of the questions and confusion I had at the beginning of the journey, I knew that this podcast pretty much answered all of those fundamental questions!

However, it still wasn’t an easy process to walk through because it required a lot of focused thinking.

Strategic understanding in both mind and spirit about what God has done and is doing in my life.

And the hardest part – openly acknowledging to myself that I in fact have some God-given gifts! It is, or at least was, so hard for me to accept something positive about myself and I will say, that is an entire blog series by itself 😀

And to truly believe that that I have a problem or two to solve while I am on this earth! Given by God! And I must steward it well!

Regardless, my point it, even with a much better understanding of purpose and the fantastic spiritual map given by Jerry, it still was not easy for me to discover it.

I mean, this was only my first major crumb (along with some other crumbs prior) in the direction I was supposed to go.

And The Messy Journey of Discovery of God-Given Purpose just had to continue.

Sooo, as much as I am surprised to say this and given the amount of work it took to write this blog, I am scared but I guess also excited to say this:

Part 3 to follow! 😀

Thanks for reading so far!